A lot of people use their cars as a way to send a personal message to other drivers about their own beliefs, but some people use them as a way to show off their family values. If you drive to work frequently, and get stuck at traffic during the commute, then you’re quite familiar with those stick figure family stickers on the back of cars. Too many families like to portray their perfect little life on bumper stickers, but some eccentric people use them for more humorous purposes.
Thankfully, the clever people who put their own twists on that stupid bumper sticker craze also share their cars on the internet, or someone else actually gets a chuckle out of it, and takes a picture themselves. There are those who replace their stick figure family with pets instead of children, or those that use aliens and zombies in place of human stick figures. Here are people who turned something dated into something funny and actually worth looking at, with 16 stick figure bumper stickers that are actually funny.
#16 – This woman spoke the truth about what we all want to do with deadbeat exes.
Dating can be a real pain, and in the case of this deadbeat ex stick figure, it’s a huge pain in his nonexistent ass. This disgruntled woman was tired of her ex and sent his loser butt packing. This woman definitely has a sense of humor about how bad her ex was, and decided to make it known by immortalizing her feelings via a family bumper sticker. You go, girl! Let this be a lesson to all crappy exes, that if you are a terrible person, the world will learn about your behavior, all from the comfort of sitting in traffic.
#15 – The Undead Family
We all have a different sense of humor, and some people find death just as humorous as life. This family thought a normal stick figure portrayal of them was too generic, and opted for an awesome zombie stick figure family. Morbid as it may seem, it’s actually fun considering that zombies seem to be dominating pop culture nowadays, and who doesn’t want to be seen as “hip” by their family? One thing is for certain, this family must save a fortune on groceries; although I hear that brains are difficult to find these days.
#14 – I would like to own a Glornak the Destroyer as well.
We all have that certain special someone in our family that just doesn’t fit in; this family seems to have quite the oddball in their ranks. Glornak seems like a nice enough guy, at least according to this bumper sticker; he looks like he just wants to play fetch with the family dog, Spot. Who knows, Glornak might be the perfect solution for traffic hour, and destroy everyone that doesn’t follow traffic rules (or decides to cut me off during rush hour). Maybe I should call up my own family Glornak, and carpool with them?
#13 – I wonder how many women sent in their quotes in order to fill this position?
Dating is one of the hardest things you can do involving other people, and as you get older it doesn’t get any easier. This clever man not only let’s you know how many kids he has (a hard dating question), he also let’s the world know he’s 100% on the market and looking to mingle. But what kind of quote does he need? A price quote? A quotable quote? I don’t have cash to help fill the position as wife and stepmother. If you need a quotable quote, I can provide you with one: “Ain’t nobody got time for dat.”
#12 – Unlike #4, this one doesn’t require you to send a quote.
Well this one doesn’t ask for near as much as the previous one, nor does it look as high of quality, but you get what you put in I guess. Could I just send this car owner an updated resumé, detailing my skills and competencies in maintaining a household, instead? Perhaps #4 and he could work out some sort of arrangement to manage the kids while they went out and hit that dating life, hard. You know what they say about life, you keep on rolling until you find the one that makes you whole, however in this case, it’s looking for the sticker to fill the windshield.
#11 – Well, he’s not shy about his plans…
This particularly lewd bump-her stick-her doesn’t have the family part down just yet, but at least he is showing plenty of initiative! Whoever owns this sticker isn’t lying to himself about having a happy family; it’s just in progress as of the moment. Maybe we should check back with this sticker owner after nine months to see if he has added a few more stickers, although I couldn’t even imagine having sex on a car window because do you even know how filthy those things are? So many bug guts. Eww.
#10 – Traditional family, but definitely not human.
Being an eternal kid at heart, I had to include this awesome family. There’s a possibility that this happy household might actually be made of Legos, and I have a strong desire to meet each and everyone of them before convincing the parents to adopt an adult like me. Being a living Lego would honestly be pretty confusing in a lot of ways, like how would you know who anyone was when they were always changing pieces? Is that your son or daughter? Who knows? Maybe a Lego family wouldn’t be such a good idea after all.
#9 – If one of my neighbors had this sticker on his car, I’d move asap.
Would you like a man who chopped the heads off of his family members to move in next door? Oh, you do? Well good for you because this man might be looking for a new neighborhood to hang out in. I’m curious if he bought the stickers like this or if he made them himself. In these stickers, I’m not sure if it’s creepier that there is a baby or that the face of the boy is still smiling. I think this is probable cause for arrest, or at the very least enough to search his backyard with a shovel.
#8 – Damn it mom! Not again!
This must be that jerk I met on Xbox! Now I finally know what car he drives. I would have thought that XxSuper1337PwnerxX would have driven a cooler car, but who am I to criticize a dude who’s been with so many of our moms. Sorry guys, I think this player has been with all of your moms too, at some point. I guess this chump would technically be our new step-dad so I think it’s right that we all take an allowance from him; that’ll show him what happens when you mess with my gamerscore, I mean, mother.
#7 – This is what everybody thinks of your bumper sticker family.
This is what I look like when I see three stick figure family bumper stickers in a row. Even a kind, gentle soul such as me, who would never make fun of anyone’s preferences or personal property, gets a bit cynical and bitter seeing so many happy families. At least we aren’t so bitter that we’ve become the kind of guy who hates everything: he is later on this list. Now, excuse me while I cry about how amazing my single and free life is, suckers. I’m so lonely…
#6 – Hey dad, get your life together.
Deadbeat dads are an unfortunate common trend in not only media, but in real life. If you’re the kind of person to have a bumper sticker broadcasting your ideals to the entire world, you may have a deadbeat dad in your life. This mother is fearless for calling out her deadbeat baby daddy and his new woman via a bumper sticker. If I were the baby daddy on this window, I’d work on getting my act together so I won’t be embarrassed by my own stick figure. You have 5 kids dude, it’s time to grow up.
#5 – I haven’t gotten to this point yet, but soon I shall.
There is always that one guy who gets sick and tired of all of your memes and popular culture; always the party pooper, he goes out of his way to make sure he’s not having a good time, and will make damn sure you know he’s not having a good time. This bumper sticker exemplifies the “I hate everything” mentality, and shows the world that someone, somewhere hates your bumper sticker. I wonder if this stick figure serial killer kills your bumper sticker family, would they die for real? Now that’s a horror movie for you, Hollywood.
#4 – Almost hated it, until I read their names.
My family is pretty unorthodox; we call each other foul names all the time, and it’s not a big deal, but we do get the occasional nasty looks from others who are more conservative. Personally, this bumper sticker is not mean–it’s funny as hell. This is the bumper sticker that I’ll proudly stick on my car once I get my own family. Screw your real names. I’d rather be an “Ass” man, than a normal “family” man, but I’ll have to get different stick figures because the ones I bought look a little too much like donkeys.
#3 – I’ve never been to Utah, should I believe this?
The thing about having a big family is, you either own up to it or you run away: very far away. Well at least this car owner’s owning up to his four baby mamas, 12 kids, and three pets. I wonder how much he shells out every month for child support payments for all of these little buggers? Having 12 kids must cost him a ton of cash. Thank goodness he can still afford these awesome bumper stickers, though. Where would we be without other people’s poor judgement, impulsive ideas, and misplaced priorities?
#2 – So their mom wasn’t a stick figure?
This bumper sticker family must be from the South because all the stereotypes are present: the blue collar dad, taboo mother, disappointment first born, and the innocent child caught in the eventual downward spiral. Too bad the kids didn’t get the mother’s full figure, instead, they inherited their dad’s stick figure body and face, but at least mamma’s proud of her profession! Do whatever it takes to bring food to the table and keep your kids in school, I say. Let’s just hope the little one stays in school.
#1 – #ProudParents
There are some truly dysfunctional families out there, and if this bumper sticker is any indication of this family’s values and ‘professions,” dysfunctional might be nowhere near an apt description. Professional mom and dad, stripper daughter, and junkie son; those parents must be have been so proud that they managed to raise those two free spirits. There has to be at least some familial pride on display here if this family immortalized themselves on the internet with their wonderful bumper sticker. Can someone say, Jerry?